My Personal Audacity of Hope . . .

I had to steal that title from Obama. Especially when I looked the word up and saw the phrase extraordinary boldness associated with it.

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But that’s how I feel.

I am being extraordinarily bold right now in believing I will get a new kidney soon.

It informs my speech. I talk about “when I get the transplant” or “after I get the transplant” all the time.

It’s the foundation of this whole blog!! I was bold enough to call it “ONE YEAR Countdown to Kidney Transplant . . .”

But my hope is not founded in a sense of entitled or anything negative . . . I wouldn’t dare to that. I think of my transplant with the hope that energizes someone.

With hope that comes from a spiritual place . . . akin to faith.

This hope get’s me to the gym on a gray day – despite having snacks and a good spot on the couch calling my name. 🙂

This hope gives me the energy to set my dialysis machine up (45 minute long ordeal) in a tedious routine that reminds me of the movie “Groundhog Day”. Feels like I set up the machine (and get on) a hundred times a week.

This hope boosts me to get to work or to a volunteer meeting.

Coffee with a friend.

Anything that requires effort.

My cousin and her girls visited me from New Jersey this past weekend. It’s their bi-annual drive up to Canada. Kind of a Christmas meets your birthday kind of moment. Love and talks and presents and good food. (I get spoiled.)

As they were leaving on Sunday I was able to say goodbye without crying for the first time since they started coming to visit me. (Choosing to come here because of my travel restrictions.) And I think the peace I felt was because in my heart I knew the next visit could be in New Jersey because after my transplant I will be able to travel again – untethered from my machine.

The hope (that I’m extraordinarily bold enough to have) breathes life and joy into my heart. Literally life and joy.

For this hope – the biggest and the smallest thing – I must be thankful.

 

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