Thirty-five years ago today, November 4th, my Mom died of complications related to Lupus.
Every November 4th I take time to remember and honour her. And to acknowledge her presence in my life even today.
I remember her everyday but I give today a little something extra.
This year is different.
With my newer understanding and interpretation of life after death and the presence of loved-ones who have passed, I actually looked for her today.
And in my way I saw her.
I went to lunch with my Dad today and amongst other topics we talked about my Mom’s last day. It wasn’t sad somehow. We both have found our peace over the years.
At this point, where I’m working to create sweeping changes in my life I was given some wisdom that I think is going to change my relationship with her – even for the better. And improve all of my life, ultimately.
I recently saw an example of a grieving mother who lived with a level of sadness and loss that was so profound that it was preventing her from “living” after her daughter’s passing. Through council she learned that she’d come to associate her grief as the fundamental link to her child.
She’d confused the grief and her love for her daughter into one thing. Therefore it was impossible to deal with the grief – as it had become a symbol of the relationship. The grief constituted her connection to her child. This lady was encouraged to separate the grief from the love. And to learn to attach the love to a renewed love for life. As her daughter would want for her.
I watched this exchange and immediately related.
I immediately knew that I had mixed love and grief together, with relation to my Mom’s death too. In my case it hadn’t completely paralyzed me from being happy and living life but it had prevented me from being as happy as I believe I could have been.
Just as I had learned to look for my Mom in my day-to-day life and find a new way of relating to her, I was also going to need to separate my grief and love for her into two entities.
Create a new and positive way of loving her. (And perhaps loving in general??)
Tie the love to something more constructive . . . my zeal for life.
What better energy to attach my mothers love to than a love for life?
To enjoy each day I get to live, in her honour. Testament to the gift I’ve been given of more life. At this point nearly ten years more life than she’d been given.
That makes me so sad. She was so beautiful and vibrant and funny and smart . . . and yet she didn’t get much life to live. I’m not sure that I will ever understand that?
Remembering this will be further incentive to live and enjoy the life I have. Whatever precious time I have.
My Mom: (1947 to 1978)