Part of being well, at this time in my life, is the work of keeping sane. Sounds so simple. *sarcasm*
I really don’t take my sanity for granted.
It is a lot to stick to an independent dialysis schedule and fitness schedule that’s as taxing as work. And then to work and volunteer too.
Part of what this chapter in my life is teaching me is a higher level of self-awareness and self-love. I have to know what I can handle and what is too much for me. I have to be kind and loving with myself.
Juggling the challenges of a chronic illness – mentally, psychologically and even socio-economically – is depleting. The good thing is that I’m aware of that. I am not blinding moving forward in life believing that everything is “cool”. I am consciously doing the things that will keep me on as even a keel as possible at this time.
Many times this action of keeping an even keel does look selfish.
I’m purposely not around a lot of chaos.
I am very selective about the people and energy I associate with – and in what amounts.
I do not compromise on my “me time” . . . meditation, yoga, gym, spiritual study.
I am working deliberately to do the things that keep me at peace and strong enough to handle what I’m facing.
But on the horizon I see a a big one for me . . . WINTER. *sad, long face*
I find the cold exhausting.
I find the layers of clothes and boots and mitts and hats a pain in the butt.
The short days – little sunlight – wear on me.
The wind. Even just the sound of the wind, strikes fear in me like the anticipation of a slap. (Yes, that sounds dramatic.)
Should I continue? (Need I continue??)
Every year (so far) I have faced winter unprepared.
When winter comes I grit my teeth and get through it, but I suffer for it.
Is there the possibility of learning another lesson here? (As I wait for my transplant and likely endure another winter in frosty Canada.)
HOW CAN I MAKE PEACE WITH WINTER??
I think I can get through this winter if I can come to terms with the cold. If I can begin to enjoy being outside during winter – instead of hiding inside between November and April.
I think snow pants will be my solution.
Simplistic as this seems, snow pants will keep me warm and dry. Warm and dry will keep me happy.
This winter I am tentatively looking forward to tobogganing, snow-showing, skating, hikes and skiing. I will continue my riding-lessons through winter too. And the gym – as usual. These are all experiences to have outside during winter.
A friend of mine mentioned going snow-shoeing for New Year’s Eve one year. Walking through the forrest in the moonlight. Trees and ground blanketed in crisp, white snow. The quiet, insulated sound of winter in the forrest. The night ended with hot chocolate around a fire. That sounds like an amazing way to bring in the new year? (I can wear my snow pants.)
Ambitious plan, I know.
Going from hibernation to snow-bunny??
The first step in me taking responsibility for this up-coming winter going differently is by changing my perception of what this winter will be like. And you know I’m being conscious and preparing (taking responsibility) . . . as I am writing this in summer. Long before those short, cold winter days will appear.
I think I’m going to be fine.